You never make me laugh, you never take me out
And when we're on the phone you never listen to a word I say.
In fact, I hear the television on.
You're always rude to mom,
My friends wonder what's wrong
`Cause every time we get together you're despondent and impatient,
Then duck out early to get baked.
"Oh, baby, I'm just going through a phase"
Yeah, I've heard it all before.
O, the sadness that you've put me through
So that's why, dude, I'm breaking up with you.
You're way too tired to chat but you're good for rolling in the sack.
I used to hear the strings and bells of symphonies
But now I just hear the X-Box on the surround sound.
And though I don't care what you look like - You've really let yourself go.
There was a time when I'd assume I would be doing something wrong
But now I've smartened up.
"Oh, baby, I'm just dealing with some stress"
That used to fly about a month ago.
What was once red-hot is now a faded blue
And that's why dude, I'm breaking up with you.
That's why dude, I'm breaking up with you.
I'm taking the high road; I'm doing it face to face.
I'm taking the high road; I'm never looking back
You never pick up the check
I'm tired of wiping your ass.
Your eyes are wandering just way too much
I'm curious if I'm even present in your mind at all!
"Oh, baby, I'm just a complicated soul"
Then it's time for us to simplify.
Life's too short. I want something new!
So that's why, dude, I'm breaking up with you.
This fragile love never even grew
And that's why, dude, I'm breaking up with you.
I've made my verdict, no more need for clues
And that's why, dude, I'm breaking up with you
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